Podcast: How to travel without your kids (no guilt and stress)

It's been a long time dream to have my own podcast where I can freely educate about parenting issues dear to my heart without being limited by the 30 second watch time of Instagram reels. And I'm so glad that I have launched the Modern Indian Parent Podcast to do exactly that. 

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Prefer to read? Here is the full transcript of the episode: HOW TO TRAVEL WITHOUT YOUR KIDS (NO GUILT AND STRESS)

 

In this episode, we speak about how to travel without your baby, yes.. The phrase that you have heard a number of times “Once you have kids, forget about vacations just as a couple” isn’t necessarily true. Watch as my Co-host Sanchita Daswani and I debunk this assumption while sharing our own stories and how we prepared ourselves and every involved for this journey

 

INTRODUCTION

 

Rinie (00:00)

Hello and welcome our modern Indian parents. Welcome to the sixth episode of this podcast. I'm Rinie Gupta. I'm a pediatric sleep consultant.

 

Sanchita Daswani (00:07)

And I'm Sanchita Daswani, a pediatric nutritionist, and every week we bring you episodes where we are redefining parenting in Indian families. Let's bust some myths and own our modern parenting choices, even if Nani and Dadi don't agree with them.

 

Rinie (00:22)

One such topic that I'm telling you that Nani and Dadi will not agree with is travelling without kids. And I have been bugging Sanchita to do a podcast about this because once I came across this Instagram account, the local passport family, where there's a mom from the UK. She's got six kids, and she's traveling the world with them. And honestly, it is inspiring, like what she's doing. And it's so amazing and the tips and everything she shares.

 

THE DESIRE TO TRAVEL WITHOUT KIDS 

But then, when I think about my own experiences, honestly, I feel that the whole thing of travelling without kids is just not talked about enough. We were so surprised to know when Sanchita and I realised that we were taking a trip with our girlfriends, no husbands, no kids on the same weekend. She was going to Paris. I was going to Bali, and we were talking about it, and I was like,

 

This is amazing. We have to talk about this on our podcast because I'm sure there are so many young moms and dads like you and me who are yearning to travel but then are sort of kind of being held back or, second guessing it because they have kids now. So today's topic is going to be super interesting that we're talking about how and when to start travelling without kids.

 

Sanchita Daswani (01:39)

And it's so interesting because whenever you talk to parents or parents-to-be, a lot of people will say, your life is over. You better travel now because once you have kids, you can't really travel. And to a certain extent, of course, it's true. Like you can't just get up and leave whenever you want, like how we used to do before having kids. It takes a lot more work and effort to make sure that our kids are safe and secure and their routine is there. But does it mean you'll can't travel and you can't enjoy. So this is what this whole episode is all about because there's so much guilt as parents when it comes to leaving our kids. I even, I remember in the beginning just to like step out of the house or go for a dinner, I used to be like, okay, I don't know. Like I used to, I still kind of feel bad when I'm out for the day and I come back and my kids are home. I do feel a bit of that guilt. So imagine having to deal with taking that trip, like leaving the country and going somewhere else. But,

 

I'm so proud of both of us because we have done quite a few trips and I think that's why we're like; we have to talk about this because a lot of times when you say you're going on a trip and people say without kids, they're like, like they kind of give you a bit of a look or maybe  we think they're giving us the look because inside we feel this way. So do you feel it's, is it selfish to take a trip without our kids?

 

Rinie (03:00)

If you ask me honestly, I did not feel it was selfish when I was doing it, but it is the society, the way they kind of judged me. And then, you know, when I was telling my friends and family about it, they're like, yeah, we're planning to take a trip without our daughter. The way they responded to it, that is what made me feel selfish. And that was another thing like I saw this other influencer couple that took a trip, you know, without their kid to Venice or something.

 

And when I looked at the comment section, my God, they were ripping that couple apart. They were saying things like, this is so selfish. How could you do it? You're going to traumatize your child. Don't have children if you want to travel without them. I mean people have such extreme opinions about it, right? And it was heartbreaking to see that couple getting chastised like this for taking that trip. But...

 

The thing right, like I think what people don't realise is that when we take a trip without our kids it's not something that we are doing just for ourselves. The reason why we are doing it is because it allows us to come back stronger. It allows us to come back in a better state of mind so that when we do you know, come back to them and back to our lives with them, you know we are in a much better space right? 

 

Have you come across this whole thing about like, you know, you have to be the all-giving, sacrificial mummy all the time. I'm sure you must have, right?

 

Sanchita Daswani (04:32)

I think times have changed now where everyone is learning that that's not the reality. And I think even you can see that with the grandparents and all, they're also leaning into it a bit like, it's okay, we'll handle the kids, you go enjoy. Because I think they're also seeing that, you know,  Like now I think we're so...

 

obsessed with our kids and every little thing they do. I think now the grandparents are realizing you guys need to focus on yourself. You need to focus on yourselves as couples. Go on that trip. It is getting a little better now. But I think for us, I think it's our own guilt in our mind that we keep questioning. Are we doing the right thing? Is it OK?

 

But I think there's so much motivations in terms of what we should, why we should take a trip because I think, and as a couple, you get so involved in your daily parenting. Sometimes you just need that time together. Like I've gone for weddings with my husband. I've gone for my 30th birthday. When my kids were only six months, we went to Turkey and I was nervous, but I was also excited. And the scary thing actually about that whole trip was that when we were on the trip on my birthday, my daughter got admitted to the hospital. So then it was literally like, what everyone was saying or what the devil in my mind, I was like, see, I left and this is what happened because then you obviously start thinking this way. But you know, also I remembered that the reason I left,

 

was because I knew I had backing. I had my in -laws there. We flew back a day earlier, but it took me some time to kind of let go again, because that's kind of what you fear would happen when you go on a trip. But I realized that's not in my control.

 

THE IMPORTANCE OF A SUPPORT SYSTEM

Rinie (06:12)

your kids are almost six this year. So when they were six months old, it was back in the days when we didn't have COVID, so they weren't as many travel restrictions. My baby was a COVID baby, like born right in the middle of all the lockdowns and everything. So by the time we could take a trip, even consider taking a trip without her or with her.

Was when she was 18 months old. And I'll tell you something, Sanchita, by that time, we were feeling so cooped up, and we were so frustrated in our own ways. We weren't getting a lot of couple time, like you mentioned, we are so busy in our own routines and everything. I think work stress was like very intense at that point for both my husband and I. We hadn't traveled and even though we loved traveling before we had kids, we hadn't traveled in years because of COVID and because having a small baby. And...

 

I knew my mum was already coming to Singapore for an event. So I just asked her to come three days early. So that's when I knew like, okay, you know what? I've got a good window now. So I can consider taking that trip without her. I had so many reasons just to get started. I had a lot of fears as well. What if she falls sick? What if she's, she's gonna miss me too much. She's gonna cry all the time.

 

I had those fears, but then it was just about understanding; okay, are my basics covered? And do I really need this? And I knew that I really, really needed it. We started with this very small trip, but it went amazing. She was so happy. Honestly, my mom is like, she didn't actually miss you that much. That made me feel sad. I was like, what? Are you telling me she's not just like walking around the house saying mama, mama, mama?

 

Rinie (07:49)

She's like, yeah, she did that for like the first half an hour. And after that, she didn't really do it anymore. I was like, what? I am here, like, you know, missing her like crazy. And she is just like living her life and she was so happy.

 

Sanchita Daswani (07:50)

Yeah.

 

Then she was fine.

 

Yeah, I realized that it's more in our head that our kids will really, really miss us. And I think it's very important for us as parents to also let our kids have relationships with other people, to let them have relationships with their grandparents, with other caretakers. And when we're not around, they can really build that bond. So like in the summer, I'm going back home to Curaçao and then I'm going for a wedding to Panama and I'm not going to take my kids.

 

And I am feeling a bit bad about it, but then I'm like, you know what, this is going to be great for them because they're going to get to have that one -on -one time with their grandparents. And it actually helps them in a way also to develop that relationship and also learn to be themselves without us being around. Because as parents, we're always kind of like a helicopter. A lot of us are helicopter parents. I am one. I'm trying to chill a bit. So it's kind of nice to see them flourish.

 

on their own while we're on the trip. And honestly, I waited a bit till I took the longer trips. Like last year, I went to India for two weeks. So that was like the longest I've been away from them. But it was actually great for both sides because I got to reconnect with my friends. They actually got to just continue their routine. For them, it wasn't a  major change except I wasn't around, but I made sure they had a lot of people that they were comfortable with.

 

That they were used to seeing, so there's so many ways to work around it to make sure that both sides can enjoy the whole process and it's okay.

THE RIGHT AGE TO TRAVEL WITHOUT KIDS 

Rinie (09:31)

Love that. You know, there's so many things to look at. Like there's so many advantages that you've already brought out. You know, it's good for the kids. They can build relationships with other kids, other family members. They can discover their own independence, you know. So, but like tell me something, what age do you think is okay?

 

Sanchita Daswani (09:47)

So it obviously depends on what stage you are, if you're breastfeeding or if they're having formula. Obviously, if they're having formula and bottle, you can leave a bit earlier.

 

and also depends on the solids journey where they're at and the meal plan and the routine. So I think at six months, I was feeling quite secure. Actually, I hadn't started solids yet. So they were on a proper schedule. They were quite good at it. And even they were pretty much sleeping through the night. So I felt comfortable to leave at that time.

 

But I feel very lucky that I have, you know, my in -laws around, my brother -in -law, I have a great nanny. So I felt that support was there for me to leave.

 

THE ROLE OF ROUTINE AND SLEEP 

Rinie (10:26)

I think the two things I'm picking up from what you're saying and I resonate with them exactly is if I asked what were my two biggest enablers? One was having a good support system, which of course comprised of my nanny, my full -time nanny, and then I also have my mom who was coming in. And the other thing was sleep, you know? Because...

  

Rinie (10:45)

my daughter, we sleep trained her when she was six months old by 18 months of age. I had that complete peace of mind that first of all, nobody needs to sit with her or lie down with her or rock her for however long amount of time to get her to sleep. So I knew that getting her to sleep was a very easy thing and because she's sleep trained. And the other thing was that she is going to sleep through the night. So I know that once she's down to bed at seven thirty,

 

Sanchita Daswani (10:50)

Mm.

Rinie (11:13)

she's going to wake up at seven in the morning. So it's like you get that you get that sense of peace or that confidence that okay, you know what whoever is taking over they are not going to be burdened by it in a way I know our children can never be a burden as such on the grandparents but it's still tough. You know, they are ageing they need their rest. It is very tiring and we can't expect them to be up.

 

Sanchita Daswani (11:15)

Yeah, amazing.

 

Yeah, it's tiring. 

 

Rinie (11:38)

throughout the night with our kids. So I think having that sleep and routine and everything sorted, getting a good support system in place that two things came together and I was like, yeah, I've got these two grounds covered and that's it. We're good to go. We can go on a trip. And you could do it at six months. I could do it at around 18 months. But anytime where you feel you have these two like pillars sorted, go for it.

 

Sanchita Daswani (11:49)

Yeah. 

feel also, you know, when our kids are in a routine, see, what is our concern in the first few years that they're growing right, that they are getting that enough sleep and all of that. So at least if that schedule and routine is there, you have that peace of mind that, they're on track still a little bit here and there, they deviate, it's okay, but that meal plan is set.

 

the timings are set their sleep is set you know that you are not setting them back in any way by traveling.

 

So, you know, let's let's get into a little bit about how to prepare because I know a lot of parents listening, they want to go and they know they need to set all of these things. So let's maybe talk about some of the tips or what we did. I know that really, really helped us to prepare.

 

Rinie (12:44)

Amazing. So I'll tell you like I'll start with my top tip, which is what we just spoke about is that you need to have a trustworthy caregiver and you need to give your child time to get familiarised with that caregiver. For example, my mom lives in India, and we live in Singapore. You know, I can't just be like my mom lands in at 9 a.m. and then at 2 pm like, okay, bye. You know, I'm going to go now because it'll be a bit of a shock to my daughter, even if she knows and is familiar with her. They need to spend some time together. So please just make sure that like.

 

Sanchita Daswani (12:49)

Mmm. 

Rinie (13:13)

The first thing you're doing is getting the caregivers who you're kind of handing the baton to and your child to spend time together, get familiarized with each other.

 

It's not just during playtime. It's not that like, if they've played with them all day, the night will be just fine. No, you need to give the grandparent or the nanny, whoever is taking over time to get familiarized with their bedtime routine. You know, with the whole, if you're doing baths, story, the whole soothing to sleep, you need to get them involved in that hands on. the other thing I would say is if your child is sleep trained,

 

That's going to be really great for the caregivers who are taking over, but let them know how to respond to certain things. And if your child is not sleep trained, let's say they need to be rocked or patted to sleep, let the caregivers experience that. Let them watch you do that. Let them try it out themselves while you are still around so that when you go, you know for a fact that at least they have had some experience and hands -on practice with getting your child to sleep.

 

So that would be my advice to you as a sleep consultant.

 

The second thing that I'll tell you and which we have already said multiple times is that it is very important to have a routine in place. You as a parent, you can carry all that mental load in your head. We're just like.

 

What's my child's nap time? What are they going to wear today? What are they going to eat? Where are they going to go? What place are they going to go? You have all that capacity to hold on to it and plan it. Not everybody will have that. So you need to ease that mental load for that caregiver. Get your child into a routine where you've got a set wake up time, that you've got set times for their meals. You know when their naps are going to be, even some time for their play. So when you put that structure in place,

 

I literally wrote it down on a piece of paper and stuck it to the fridge. And I was like, here, this is the backbone of my child's day that you need to follow so that you don't feel like, what do I do do her all day? I'm like, I'm telling you, this is what works for her. So this was like my second, like biggest thing about, you know, making sure this is in place before I take a trip without my kid. What about you, Sinchita? Sanchita some of your, best tips here.

 

Sanchita Daswani (15:03)

Yeah. 

I think the best thing to do is just start with a small trip. So even just do a staycation one night.

 

or two to three days nearby, I think you did that as well, right? Just a few days, just to ease into it, because it is a lot for a new parent and for a baby to go through. So just start small. And then I remember in the beginning, it was less like, now I feel confident that last year I was able to take two weeks off, because I built towards that. And the other thing is also to talk to your child and just explain to them, because of course, parents are...

 

you know, who they look for every day, who they want that security and safety and support from. So even at a young age, you can say like, you know, mama's going for two weeks, I'll be back, just ease them into it. Now my kids are older, so obviously they ask a hundred questions. Why are you going? So I told them, like when I went to Paris, I said, you know, like how you have your friends, I have the same friends when I was a baby, and I'm going to go spend some time with them because we all live all over. And I just want to have some.

 

bonding time with them and they were actually quite excited and then they were like, what are you getting me from Paris? So just talking to them, making them feel involved in the whole thing is also really nice.

SETTING BOUNDARIES: SCREEN TIME AND MEALS

 

Rinie (16:34)

True.

 

how would you just advise parents to handle the meals and make that easier?

 

Sanchita Daswani (16:41)

So the first thing I would say is you have to have a meal plan. Do not just leave it up to whoever's there because I need to make sure that for my kids, it's foods they're comfortable with because you want to make sure they eat. So no experimenting at that time. Stick to the foods that your child is comfortable with that they know. Have the meal plan in place. Make sure even for snacks, have a list of 10 child snacks because this is when things can go haywire...

 

You know, they start junking and the grandparents keep giving them lollipops, biscuits, all of that. Look, I understand that's a bonding time for grandparents. But at least if you have that structure, then at least, you know, OK, they will eat their apple.

 

They will have their banana with peanut butter for their snack, their  because you've given that.

 

And then here and there, if they have a biscuit lollipop, we have to let go.

 

And also make sure that they know the whole feeding environment. So even if you're spoon feeding, just make sure that they're familiar with it. Or if your child is a baby -led weaned child, then make it clear.

 

set those boundaries because you don't want it. It's weird. Some parents come and tell me that, they went on a trip and now that they're back, their child is not eating themselves because while they were on the trip, the child was spoon fed and now they're used to that. So, you know, have your boundaries as parents as well. It'd be like this is the way it needs to go. But you can let go a little bit as well in terms of the extra stuff that happens or the timing is a little off or so because, you know, there's only so much we can control when we're not there.

 

Rinie (18:05)

Yes.

 

I'll tell you, even with my experience with potty training was the same things that, we are talking about, like how they need to get familiar with the whole sleep thing, the whole meal thing, even with potty training

 

PREPARING FOR POTTY TRAINING.

Rinie (18:15)

 

Again, for a child who is learning how to go to the toilet on their own and is out of diapers now, they need to have that trusting relationship with the caregivers to be able to tell them when they want to go. If they don't have that relationship with that caregiver, they will just either hold it in, which can lead to constipation issues, or they will have a lot of accidents. So both situations are not great. So that's another thing that during that familiarization time that you're having.

 

with either the nanny or the grandparents, they need to get actively involved in the whole potty training part of it as well. So let the grandparents bring the child to the toilet, let them have that positive interaction, reading books, talking, understanding what the child's cues are, because these are things that are gonna help you even when you go away, because what did happen with me was that I think I missed out this part in my last trip that I took. We were just potty training our daughter at that time.

 

And she had like a full blown regression because my mom wasn't quite cued into how to pick up her signals. And then just in those three or four days, she started resisting going to the toilet and we had to do a lot of work to fix it. So that's another tip that I really want to give to parents. If your child is a toddler, recently potty trained, make sure that the caregivers are in tune with the child's cues and everything.

 

Sanchita Daswani (19:57)

Yeah, and I want to talk about screens as well, because obviously that is a sensitive topic for a lot of us in terms of how much screen time is allowed. So obviously, when we are around, we have certain boundaries. But when we're not around, I have seen it a lot of times when kids go to their grandparents' house, even just for the day. There's a lot of screen time happening, because also for grandparents, they aren't able to run after the kids for so long. So.

 

What I would recommend, and I do this with my kids, is I get those sand timers or digital timer. And what I do is I set screen time boundaries. So you can do the same thing while you're on a trip. So you can say, OK, every day they are allowed one hour of TV. You figure out when and just, you know, that is the limit. And when you get the kids involved, it also makes it a bit better because obviously they are going to.

 

It's not like when they turn the TV off, they'll be like, yeah, thanks. That was fine. So having a visual reference will really help them. So it will help the grandparents or the nanny, whoever's handling that situation, to help the tantrums be toned down a bit. So set that timing, be a bit flexible and be like, you guys figure out when it is and have a visual reference for the kids to ease into it and not get so upset when TV time is done.

 

Rinie (21:00)

Yeah.

 

Totally, totally. that timer thing, I'm gonna use that. Amazing tip, right? But you know, know, Sanchita tell you, these are all things that we're talking about on how to prepare the child and how to prepare the grandparent and how to prepare the nanny. You know what's the most important thing that we need to do is we need to prepare ourselves because...

 

Sanchita Daswani (21:31)

Yeah.

 

PREPARING YOURSELF EMOTIONALLY 

 

Rinie (21:31)

I tell you, the amount of anxiety I had when I was taking that first trip away, even though I needed it, even though I had all the motivation and all the resources or whatever, during the entire three days of the trip, I was glued to the baby monitor because I had the digital one where the feed comes onto my phone. I was watching it like it was a big boss show. Like I'm Salman Khan and this is the show that's going on and I'm watching what's going on in my house. And...

 

Sanchita Daswani (21:48)

Yeah

 

Rinie (21:59)

Honestly, my husband was a little bit irritated with me because of that. Because, you know, he was like, can you disconnect? Can you let go? But I was having a very hard time letting go. But, you know, I think in the last, like, whatever half a day or the trip when I finally did let go, when I was just like, okay, I'm just going to trust the fact that my mom's there, my nanny's there, my child is loved, she's taken care of. That is kind of what helped me make, you know, make that turning around.

 

And for every subsequent trip I've taken, I've made a mental note that I need to trust the people who are going to be there with my child, not be like constantly video calling or constantly looking at the baby monitor. Sometimes you just need to let go, trust, and then make the most of the time that you have taken away. You've taken that trip for a reason. You know, you haven't taken the trips you can watch your child to the monitor instead of watching them live. So that's a really important aspect to prepare yourself as well.

 

Sanchita Daswani (22:54)

Exactly.

 

And I think there's always that one parent who's obsessive and staring and the other one's like, chilling, it's okay, they'll be fine. There's always that thing that happens. And even for me, to be honest, I live with my in -laws. So I put the monitor outside and the thing is they also hang around there. So every time I turn it on, they get pissed off and randomly put a towel on it and cover it.

 

So I didn't really have a choice. I didn't really have the monitor to look at. So I would just...

 

you know, let go. And I think also growing up, my parents were also very like, do your own thing, you got this. They weren't calling me up and checking all the time. So I think luckily, I've also kind of gotten that in me that I don't need to call a lot of times. But I know a lot of my friends with kids, they are very into checking every minute, knowing every little thing, but they are also learning to let go. And I think a great way to do that is by starting with a simple trip and doing all of these tips that we said. I think it may be so easy and it'll be so, so worth it.

 

CONCLUSION 

 

Rinie (23:56)

So if you're a parent who is listening to this episode and you're on the fence about taking a trip without your kids, I hope this episode has given you...

 

the perspectives and the tips that maybe can help you to just take that step, step out, go and take that trip and I promise you, you're gonna come back so much happier, refreshed and fulfilled and it's gonna be great for you and your kids.

 

Sanchita Daswani (24:21)

Totally and we hope that you find this episode helpful and actually in the next episode We are going to be moving on to a topic about things We regret buying for our kids because I know there's a whole list of products when you're going to be having a child and There's too much confusion on what to get so we are going to dive into the products that we wish we hadn't bought so catch you then