Sleep Training in Asian Households: Tips for Gaining Family Support

Sleep training isn't a concept that's widely recognized or practiced in many Asian families. Cultural norms often lean towards practices like co-sleeping or responding immediately to a baby's cries, which can make the idea of sleep training seem unfamiliar or even controversial. As a mom who is exhausted, overworked, and looking for a way to ensure that everyone in the family gets the sleep they need, the challenge isn't just about training your baby—it's also about getting the rest of the family on board.

Let me share a personal story that might resonate with you.

My Personal Sleep Training Journey to Convince my Husband and Mother

I was first introduced to the idea of sleep training by a close friend who had twins the same age as my daughter. When she told me that her babies were sleeping through the night, I was in disbelief. My daughter was waking up several times a night, leaving me exhausted and feeling like a zombie during the day. It seemed impossible that a baby could sleep through the night, but I was desperate for change. So, I decided to give it a shot.

Initially, my husband was skeptical. Like many dads, he was concerned about the idea of letting our baby cry, even for a little while. He was afraid it would hurt her emotionally or make her feel abandoned. But when I shared my friend's success story with him, he agreed to support me, albeit with some reservations.

We decided to work with a sleep consultant, and it was a game-changer. She explained the science behind sleep training and showed us evidence that it doesn’t cause any long-term negative effects, despite the crying that might occur during the process. This helped ease my husband's fears, and he became more confident in our decision.

At the same time, my mother was visiting us in Singapore. She had always been a strong advocate for bed-sharing, believing it was the best way to comfort and bond with a baby. Naturally, she was against the idea of sleep training. However, my husband and I were not comfortable with bed-sharing, and neither of us was getting the sleep we needed. So, we had an open and honest conversation with her about why we wanted to try sleep training and what we hoped to achieve.

To make things easier, we sent her to stay with my cousin for a couple of nights while we tackled the first few days of sleep training, which are often the hardest. When she returned, she was amazed at the progress our daughter had made. Even though she still wasn't completely sold on the idea, she agreed not to interfere with the process. Over time, as she saw how much better our daughter’s sleep habits had become and how much easier it was to put her to bed, she began to appreciate our approach and became more supportive.

How to Get Your Family on Board

If you're in a similar situation, here are some strategies you can use to get your husband and grandparents on board with sleep training.

1. Openly Communicate Your Struggles

The first step in gaining support is to openly communicate the challenges you're facing. Whether it's with your husband or your child's grandparents, be honest about how the lack of sleep is affecting you. Explain that you're constantly tired, lacking energy, and unable to focus on personal goals or work responsibilities. Share how this exhaustion is impacting your ability to care for your child and yourself.

When your family members understand the toll that sleep deprivation is taking on you, they may be more willing to support a solution, even if it’s something they’re not familiar with.

2. Share the Evidence

In Asian families, it's common for grandparents to rely on traditional wisdom when it comes to raising children. This often includes practices like rocking a baby to sleep or co-sleeping, which can be comforting for the baby but exhausting for the parents. To help your family understand the benefits of sleep training, share evidence-based research that supports it.

For example, studies show that sleep training can help babies develop healthy sleep patterns without causing emotional harm. Explain that sleep training isn't about neglecting your child's needs—it's about teaching them how to self-soothe and fall asleep on their own. Emphasize that a well-rested baby is a happy baby, and sleep training can lead to more consistent, uninterrupted sleep for everyone.

3. Highlight the Benefits for Both Mom and Baby

It's important to show your family that sleep training isn't just about benefiting you—it's also about what's best for the baby. Explain that babies who sleep well are more likely to be alert, happy, and ready to learn during the day. Good sleep is crucial for their development, helping with everything from brain growth to immune function.

You can also share how improved sleep can benefit your family's overall well-being. With better sleep, you'll have more energy to engage with your child, pursue your goals, and maintain a healthy relationship with your partner. When everyone in the family is well-rested, the household is likely to be more peaceful and harmonious.

4. Set Boundaries with Grandparents

In many Asian households, grandparents play a significant role in raising children. While their experience and wisdom are invaluable, it's essential to set boundaries when it comes to major parenting decisions like sleep training. As parents, you and your partner should be the ultimate decision-makers in your child's life.

Have a respectful conversation with the grandparents about your decision to sleep train. Explain that while you value their input, you've researched the topic and believe this approach is best for your family. Reassure them that you're not rejecting their methods but adapting to the needs of your household. Ask them to support your decision, even if they don't fully agree with it.

PS. If you are living with your husband's family, it is important to have him fully on board so he can have that conversation with his parents and support you.

5. Share Success Stories

Sometimes, seeing is believing. Share success stories from other parents who have successfully sleep-trained their children. You can start with my own experience or mention other families who have used my sleep training methods. You can read many of the success stories here in my Google Reviews.

Sharing one such review for your reference here from the dad of a 6 month old baby girl who was previously bed sharing with the mother nursing throughout the night as well as sleeping in a traditional Indian swing for naps:

"Rinie is a magician. She helped us through the sleep training process. Our daughter can now sleep stretches of 8 hours without feeds. She is so energetic throughout the day. Her wake windows have improved. The smile on her face throughout the wake windows is priceless."

Highlight how their babies or toddlers started sleeping through the night within just a few weeks of starting the sleep training process and how your baby can do the same.

Hearing about real-life successes can help alleviate doubts and build confidence in your approach. Assure your family that, with patience and consistency, your child can achieve the same results.

Conclusion

Sleep training can be a daunting process, especially when you're trying to introduce it in a household where it's not a common practice. However, with open communication, evidence-based research, and a focus on the well-being of both mom and baby, it's possible to get your family on board.

Remember, the goal of sleep training is to create a healthy sleep environment for your child, which in turn benefits the entire family. By setting boundaries, sharing success stories, and keeping everyone informed, you can build a supportive network that helps your baby develop strong, healthy sleep habits.

If you're ready to start sleep training and want more personalized guidance, consider checking out my signature Infant Sleep Training Program. It's designed to help your child sleep through the night, so both you and your little one can get the rest you need.